Slowly Going Insane

2004-01-27T16:39:00.000+08:00

Okay this year I don't intend to make new year resolution because as my uncle pointed out that no matter what you never get it done. So this year i intend to make a list of what i must acomplish.

1)Study
2)Do Quiet Time
3)Keep My Room Tidy
4)Shave Everyday
5)Exercise
6)Be Nicer To Gals In General
7)Keep My Promises
8)Stop Lazing Around
9)Be A Better Brother
10)Respect People

2004-01-16T12:09:00.000+08:00

Okay I went 4 cell yesterday. I realized something there a difference between the cell in sjc and lsbc(my new church) . In sjc it was kind of superficial and I mean you don't get to know each other on a personal level. Yeah and wat more they got like yahoo groups where everyone can post their thoughts there and they even hold group outing which is like up to the group. The funny thing is although I been there only twice I feel like I belong there its also a place to encourage and be encouraged. For fun and
laughter. Yeah althought it being held on a thurs nite in church pple dun mind comming down and after that going for supper or something like that. Yeah dun see that happening is sjc but haha I guess there always "room for improvement".

2004-01-12T13:45:00.000+08:00

Ha this post is kinda back dated cause I didn't have time to update. So well here goes... Last Thursday I want for cell in my new church and it was quite fun the pple down there are crazy man haha just like me but it will take a while for me 2 get used 2 them and open up... Anyway I been a bad boy cause I miss a lot of classes this week haha well last week but I am hoping to change that haha yah but tat all 4 now..... Err yah and I think I go back 2 sjc after CNY yah ........

2004-01-07T22:47:00.000+08:00

Well on Sunday I went to the new church and it was pretty cool. Although I need sometime to get used to it. Yah I didn't realize their sermons only 1/2 hour long. Then they got teens which is 4 p6 to sec 2 and youth 4 sec 3 to my level I guess although I haven decided which 1 I want to go to yet. Although I miss sjc but I am sure all I need is time. Yah and beside I found sum 1 to fool around with after service yah my lil cousin sis . Haha yah I was laughing so hard on Sunday. Yah I will prob come back to vist sjc at the end of the month when I have my once a month lunch with my god mum. Yah that all 4 now

2003-12-15T12:29:00.000+08:00

Yeah I haven been blogging for a while. Cause well there was a lot of stuff like camp. Which was cool and my exams which end on wed but yeah on the whole i been ok and bside i made another fren instead of an enemy haha... Yeah Camp was a wonderful experience man i really felt god there and yeah generally camp made me a better person and i was really glad i went for camp.... But as the old saying goes all good thing must come to an end yeah so camp ended and i decided to move on so as from next year on i am offically leaving SJC and going to another church . Yeah i am really sad to go but the truth is it is something i have decided to do 4 a long long time but somehow never got to doing it ..... yeah so this year i made my mind and decided to do it and nothing can change my mind...... Yeah real sad to leave but at least i am leaving with happy memories and not sad one .... yeah

2003-11-22T22:17:00.000+08:00

Ok today i watch a very interesting show quite and old show but it put persoetive in my life. The show it called the next karate kid very interesting show me a lot of thing that i never thought of stuff like fighting and being a bully and showing off yeah also showed me that i have to respect all living things. Also showed me to be nice just like aunt carol told me to she said that u should be nice not for any ulterior motive just be nice to everyone because it just they way it is suppose to be yeah. Yeah it will improve my people skill and i should also learn to control my temper and keep my cool. I also found a nice song from that show it called "u gotta be"

You Gotta Be by Des'ree
CHORUS 1:
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky
Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry
CHORUS 2:
You gotta be
You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser , you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough , you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool , you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know , all I know , love will save the day
Herald what your mother said
Readin' the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time
Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
my oh my heh, hey
CHORUS 2
Don't ask no questions , it goes on without you
Leaving you behind if you can't stand the pace
The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it, if you try to
This time it's danger staring you in the face
oh oh oh
Remember
CHORUS 1
My oh my heh, hey, hey
CHORUS 2 til fade

yeah i also got back with uncle henry after the vodka incident and yeah we back to bible study i guess that was wat was missing in my life God. Yeah now all i have to do is study..... and try to be a gentlemen..........

2003-11-01T12:08:00.000+08:00

I had my ingrown toenail removed on friday....... boy my mum wasn't kidding when she said it was painful....... yeah man all i need now is painkillers... last nite i could not sleep and to chug down 10 pain killer at one go ya....but being dark and all i forgot that the pain killers they gave me have a small side effect..... which is anal leakage ya ..... but does that sux and worse of my wound not completely heal so still have to wear a bandage till mon... ya....

2003-10-30T10:51:00.000+08:00

Haha thanks to my quick thinking the prob i had is offically over..... dun have any prob with that person now but now got to concentrate on my studies....... yah that all 4 now

2003-10-27T07:21:00.000+08:00

Ok it offical Edward going through a very rough patch. I app did something very wrong to sum1 .. and then words flew and app it became from bad to worst and from worse to worser... and now very sad to day we are no longer frens. But i am fine with that.... but it just all the fustration that is being pent up inside me and i can't let it out which i sreally bad. Cause i think i just woke the monster inside of me from it decade of slumber.... It rearing it ugly head now yeah and eating me up from inside cause app i can't make rite with that person and that now when ever i see that person i can see the many ways i kill her . It tooo violent to go into details or u will get nightmare like me yah.... App i decided to take drastic measure b4 anione get hurt and decided to change on one hand i can move on in life and on the other hand i dun hurt any 1 yah so that the best solution. Although the best solution would be to go to a phycatrist but app i dun have that kind of money so best to settle for second best......... Although tackling the root of the prob will be better but i just dun have the courage to do that and bside i dun noe how to........

2003-10-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

Haha I know i have not been blooging for a while now but hey was kinda caught up in shattered galaxy and gunbound .... and of course frenster which gabby introduce 2 me yah.... such a nice guy gabby is..... but then i remember a documentry i watch this past week.... it about high school and how adult life was just like high school there are the popular pple who everybody wants to become and the not so popular pple who wish they were with the popular pple...... yah one day in church i decided to see if the doc was rite ? guess wat it is rite duh ? I saw a whole group of popular pple in church eating at kfc while me not being popular and all was left on the sidelines hiaz..... haha then i realize the popular pple will always remain the popular 1 and not so popular 1 will always wish they were the popular ones...... hiaz... i wonder why is life so like high school i hated high school a lot am i condemmed to be wat i was in high school a ghost ?????

2003-10-08T13:06:00.000+08:00

Haha so glad my maths test is over man..... lucky i study for it man.....Haha i realised that studying isn't so hard it just something called mind over matter. Thus making me believe wat Henry Yew said If you so good in playing computer games just treat ur study as if it was a game. Well actually he didn't really said that was my impression of what he said when he talk to me on sunday.

It raining outside and i should be sleeping like the pig i am but nevermind finish blogging then go to sleep....... Just realised today that Arnold Schwarzenegger won the governor in California which proof that American citizen are getting more dumb.I mean how dumb can u be to vote a movie star into office ? That like asking Gurmit Singh to an MP..... Well that all i have to say got to go and sleep now the bed calling......

2003-09-30T07:15:00.000+08:00

I dun noe what come over me man. I seriously dun noe maybe it because I haven been doin my quiet time or something like that ? I have been slacking way to much and my life is no longer in order and I need some help fast. I can't continue ignoring my studies and other church just for the sake of playing but then I do not noe what to do. How I envy those people in sec or jc man at least the noe what subject they got to study and can study 4 it me ? I am 1 big slacker man then I dun even noe how to study got no frens to study with I am really going insane and my grades ? Well they speak 4 themselves man. So how do anyone study if you noe the answer pls let me noe.....hiaz..... I guess I screwed up most of my priorities in life man but how do u make it right ? Can someone let me know ??? I would really appreciate it very much.

2003-09-30T06:50:00.000+08:00

Ok this what happen so far in my life. I off my vegetarian diet cause well i took it for all the wrong reasons so my mum tells me. My result are out but then i noe the grades b4 they published it. Yeah i need to concentrate to study or i will go down the tubes study wise yeah that about it

2003-09-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the game shop man. Which gives me another reason to the the USA. Because of some stupid FTA which our goverment sign with them now got to buy all original game. Like come on man how going to pay 50+ bucks for a game u play onli 4 a while so bloddy ex man. Yeah now i am going insane cause no game to play.......

2003-09-26T10:39:00.000+08:00

So bored now man. Listening to Shania Twain now, yeah so si bei bored man.... I just maxed out all the level on the game i was playing called shattered galaxy. Yeah so bored waiting for the handphone shop to open so i can see how much the samsung sgh 300 phine cost..... i so regreted buying the a800 so lousy man..... haha i think sould be able to get it next month .

2003-09-24T13:23:00.000+08:00

Haha I found out that I need very little sleep now of days ... Haha yesterday pia game until 3 am today still can wake up at 8. Wah onli 5 hours of sleep still can make it hahaha.......

2003-09-23T19:55:00.000+08:00

Let see what happen today ..... I offically on a diet . Yeah i getting too fat and army around the coner so i have to get fit haha. Farni thing is being vegetarian can take a lot out of you.... I think my body is protesting or something haha maybe i just need to get used to it man... Always feeling so tired now of days so i guess my diet getting to me hahaha. Yah that about it nothing significant happen today.

2003-09-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

Today was a very crap day man...... I went to sch to study but got into a fight with my stupid teacher called Mr Ho but I call him Lao Chee@#$!...... Man ask him to slow down cause he going too fast but what did he say ? He tell me that i was toking too much with my fren.... come on man like it was ani of business ? Well maybe ? but still.... later go and lecture me ask me to go out of class... hey come on he only a teacher what right has he to tell me what to do with my life ??? Then when he lost an argument with me he goes and ask to class to look at me ? Hello you a teacher so teach... aniwae he so bloddy old and so naggy even my grandmother not as bad as him man..... to make things worse i have to see him tomolo as well .... hiaz i would love to change teacher but he the only one who teach the subject i am taking.... and I dun intend to skip class just not to see him.... that old fool should be retiring or retired man instead of teacher his method of teaching is so old and his jokes are so lame everyone so hates him man..... yeah rite teach me about life huh.......

On a different note. I bought a 20m long cable so now i finially ave the computer in my room Yeah well that the only good thing that happen to me today i dread tommorow man ........

2003-09-19T13:23:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging lately cause been playing too much online game.. yeah my favourite online rpg is free at last haha...
Yeah i watch the show se7en which is a thriller that portrays the exploits of a deranged serial-killer. His twisted agenda involves choosing seven victims who represent egregious examples of transgressions of each of the Seven Deadly Sins. He then views himself as akin to the Sword of God, handing out horrific punishment to these sinners. Two cops, an experienced veteran of the streets who is about to retire and the ambitious young homocide detective hired to replace him, team up to capture the perpetrator of these gruesome killings. Unfortunately, they too become ensnared in his diabolical plan....

Yeah the 7 deadly sins are Gluttony * Greed * Sloth * Envy * Wrath * Pride * Lust.......

Although after watching the show I ask my mother to get me a few book like paradise lost,the canterbury tales, parson tale , helter skelter, Dante purgatory/inferno and the divine comedy. Which she replied she was impressed since all these are classic. Yeah what the hell it beat playing computer all day...

Haha yeah was very tempted to write this whole blog in french yah!! but then nobody would understand haha. So decided not to....yeah going down to church later after all I still need to study. After all .... All play and no work make Edward go insane n'est-ce pas ? Yeah been staring at the computer screen too much giving me a headache yeah lucky got panadol.....

2003-09-16T19:05:00.000+08:00

Staring at the ceiling seems to be the only thing I been doing on a regular basis. I think that is what help me clear my mind beside that all I do is sleep ..... Yeah need to go on a diet soon..... Ha I must have drunk a little bit too much when I went to my uncle party on Saturday... Yah there was vodka there or rather my uncle bought vodka for me how nice.....Luckily I was able to wake up for church the next day.... Although there was no dg cause kaimin was studying and Ivan and waikit were no where to be found....Stay for Jym but found it kinda boring since most pple were studying and Glenn was not there either..... hiaz....How come everyone studying exams or prelim Cummins izzit ???? Haha maybe be I should study no act it a must but too lazy to sturdy for now no proper motivation..... What more my stupid com got problem again must send it down for repair cause too lazy to do it myself.

2003-09-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

Haha Just some nice pic i thought everyone would want to c

2003-09-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

2003-09-14T23:39:00.000+08:00

2003-09-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

Haha it amazing that you can be so many thing according to these quizes........ Haha but i have 2 admit this time it is true. Often pple ask me a question and i take like forever to answer them cause i was dreamin.... I usually talk to myself on the way home or in the bus speaking out my fantasy kind of crazy but it true.........In the bus i always day dream..... Maybe that y my secondary sch teacher said that i sit in class but i am in my own little world ...... hiaz.... if only some of my dreams would come true.. haha maybe it willl maybe it won't . Who noes ? Haha well i leave that up to god.......

2003-09-14T21:54:00.000+08:00

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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2003-09-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

Today is Setember the 11th....... here is my thoughts and feeling ....... the US has not won the war on terror , U.S. should use tax dollars for education, healthcare and public transport not war ..... yeah it a very sad day.... but life still goes on ..... ironic that America is the only superpower left in the world and it has a power grid of a third world nation and since they cannot fix their own power grid i dun think that gives them much right to rule Iraqi rite..... haha yeah that about it a sad day indeed ......

2003-09-11T20:40:00.000+08:00

I decided to take a friend's advice and get a tag-board so feel free to post your thoughts and make ur presence known

2003-09-10T11:06:00.000+08:00

Haha nothing better to do so i ripped this quiz of Ivan blog..... I love doin quizs......

Part One
1. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
Killer Whale ...... Cause i can be free swimming in the ocean....

2. FANTASY OR SCI-FIC?
Fantasy. thanks to Tolkien.

3. YOUR IDEAL STORY ENDS WITH...
I dun noe .... probably a happy ending i love happy ending

4. PREFERRED ELEMENT?
Love haha if u watch the fifth element you will noe what i am tokin about ......

5. FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND AT SCHOOL/WORK
Siting in my room doing home work

6. FAV COLOUR(S)
Blue,Black,Red

7. GAMES
Rise of nations,Counter-Strike,Deus Ex

8. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
my entire life

9. A TIME WHEN YOU CRIED
When i was watching A Walk To Remember

10. PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE
Although hardwork never killed anyone i don't want to be the first to try.

11. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND CHANGE THE PAST, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
the time when I started revising for my 'o' level

12. WHAT ABILITY WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE?
animal-keen senses of smell, sight and hearing-as well as a healing factor that mends almost any wound quickly,6 razor-sharp, extendible claws,

13. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE IDEAL GROUP SIZE IN OUTINGS WITH FRIENDS?
it's not the size, it's the friends i guess........

14. WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
The fact that i can't get understand them ?

15. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU KNEW THAT YOU WOULD DIE IN 10 HOURS?
Do all the things I haven't done yet and want to do.....

17. Bedroom Wise
Got lryics of all my favourite songs on my cupboards.....

18. Five Songs you know the words to, even without the music:
I'm quite good at songs without music, since i listen to them most of the time:

The Rose
Yi ge ren shen huo
Emotions
Never see the day
Reflections

19. Five Albums that have changed your life:
Coyote Ugly Ost
A Walk To Remember OST
I Need You (Leeann Rimes)
You Light Up My Life (Leeann Rimes)
Greatest Hits (Air Supply)

20. Five Things you can't live without:
God, my family, music, my wallet, friends.

21. Five things you would buy with $1000:
1. Absolute vodka,citron, pepper,kurant,mandrin,vanilla($150)
2. Pool Cue ( $120)
3. Mountain Bike ( $650)
4. Meal At Coca ($30)
5. Smrinoff Vodka x2 ($50)

22. Top Five Locations I want to run away to:
1. Temple of Olympian Zeus, Athens, Greece
2. South Portland , Maine
3. Kao Pun Temple Waterfalls, Kanchanaburi Region, Thailand
4. Flume Covered Bridge in Autumn, Franconia Notch State Park, New Hampshire
5. Venice

23. Five Things you love about yourself:
The fact that i can make people laugh ?

24. Five qualities of your perfect mate:
Christian. Respect me, Drop dead beautiful ,Must be Russian or Irish , Accepts me for who I am

25. NAME FIVE [5] OF YOUR FAVORITE PIG-OUT FOODS.
Salmon,Prawns,Sausauge,Steak,Ice-cream

26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MAKEOVER?
will once I get to NS

27. NAME ALL MEMBERS OF THE BEATLES.
Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr, John Lennon

28. WHAT'S THE LONGEST TIME YOU'VE STAYED OUT OF THE COUNTRY/WHERE?
in primary 4, abt 1 month in Austrilla

29. ONE THING YOU'RE GRATEFUL FOR, TODAY.
My bed

30. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HIGH SCHOOL MEMORY?
Stay back in school just to enjoy the peace.

31. WHAT IS THE MOST INSANE THING YOU'VE DONE FOR/TO YOUR CRUSH THAT HE/ SHE MIGHT NOT/MIGHT KNOW ABOUT?
I don't know what she knows about or what she don't

The Quiz Part 2

32. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM WEDDING.
In Sanctuary, New Cathedral, St. Louis, Missouri ..... and as long as the bride is who i love and i say the rite words .... i guess it should be okay

33. WOULD YOU EVER JOIN TEMPTATION ISLAND?
Hell Yeah

34. NAME THREE [3] TEACHERS YOU LIKED IN HIGH SCHOOL/ELEMENTARY.
Mr Clement Lee (Form Teacher), Miss Chin (CME), Mr Dennis Koh (Discipline Master)

35. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE QUOTE? WHAT IS IT?
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)

36. MY FIRST HEARTBREAK HAPPENED WHEN I WAS:
My first ex broke up with me

37. THE SCHOOL PICTURE YOU BURIED IN YOUR BOTTOM DRAWER?
No School Picture

38. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD PREFERENCES? WHAT ARE THEY?
Not that i can think offf at the moment.......

39. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
How the hell they multi task like siao ?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE THREE WORDS "I LOVE YOU"?
They should be said only if u mean it.....

40. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Best Friend ? Dun have ani......

41. NAME ONE TV CHARACTER YOU'D MOST WANT TO BE?
Joey from friends.

42. IF YOU WERE FAMOUS, AND WERE TO BE A GUEST ON A TALK SHOW, WHOSE SHOW WOULD YOU CHOOSE? WHY?
The Chris Rock Show.... I love Chris Rock

43. DO YOU HAVE ANY WEIRD SLEEPING HABITS?
I sleep on my stomach

44. WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO THIS SUMMER?
Hopefully still studying but most likely being a soldier

45. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW?
Yi Ge Ren Shen Huo By Freya Lin

46. WRITE A LINE FROM ANY SONG.
Why is my reflection someone i don't know

47. DO YOU KNOW AT LEAST ONE DISNEY SONG BY HEART? WHICH ONE?
Yeah .... Reflections ...... Mulan

48. DESCRIBE YOUR DREAM HOUSE.
the house opposite the copthorne orchard

49. YOUR TYPICAL SLEEPWEAR:
Shorts

50. WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG?
Nothing

51. WHAT'S IN YOUR WALLET?
A lot of cards and no money

52. HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR WALLET RIGHT NOW?
Less than 3 dollars

53. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES?
My brooks shoes

54. IF YOU COULD'VE GONE TO YOUR SENIOR PROM IN A DIFFERENT OUTFIT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Funky

55. HOW WAS YOUR SENIOR PROM?
I didn't even go

56. TELL US ABOUT ANY OF YOUR BIRTHDAYS.
I spend it alone.

57. WOULD YOU RATHER BE A HOBBIT, AN ELF OR A DWARF?
Elf .

58. WHAT ARE THE FIRST FIVE THINGS YOU WOULD SPLURGE ON IF YOU WERE A BILLIONAIRE?
I'd buy Liverpool and 4 good players for them. Let's see, Carlos , Buffon , Figo , Raul

59. WHAT IS YOUR DAILY BEFORE-GOING-TO-BED RITUAL?
Ritual wat ritual ?

60. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST/FUNNIEST NICKNAME ANYONE HAS EVER CALLED YOU?
Physco

61. NAME THREE [3] OF YOUR FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTERS.
Wolverine , Rouge , Gambit

62. WHAT ARE THE MAGAZINES YOU READ ON A REGULAR BASIS?
For Him Magazine and Archie

2003-09-09T08:17:00.000+08:00

Haha did something yesterday that i should have done a long time ago...... yeah i clean up my room..... yeah at least i not procrastinating animore.

2003-09-08T15:14:00.000+08:00

For those people reading the sep 07 post there seem to be some problem with that post the 't can be posted probally and give funni letters

2003-09-08T14:45:00.000+08:00

Haha I got a new layout thanks to kaixin.

2003-09-07T18:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I sat in my darkened room thinking abt my life. I realized something that through my secondary sch life until now. I don’t even have a friend or rather a close friend. Maybe it is because I was trying to hard to fit into a group. Even in church it was not an exception. After all these years did I finally realized that how true the saying that no man is an island. But then what could I do ? After all loneliness knows me by name.

There was a time in church even now. Everybody is always trying to tell me to change, to find the real me. But I don’t even know the real me and that seriously scares the hell out of me. Even I get lost in my self with all those personality …… I once ask people what their impression of me? The gave me a thousand and one version of what they thought was me. So who am I? Who the real me? I seriously dunno. I feel that I am slowly going insane. Maybe I got multiple personality. Somebody help me please. Is that the reason why I don’t have any close friends? Is that why I find that life is such a cruel joke? I need some answers but I don’t know where to start or rather where to find them. Well as the lyrics of one of my favorite song goes it not easy to be me.

Superman (It's Not Easy)
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me
I’m more than a bird…I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see
It may sound absurd…but don’t be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed…but won’t you concede
Even Heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me
Up, up and away…away from me
It’s all right…You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…
I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It’s not easy to be me.

It a real nice song and yeah it not easy to be me man,

To tell the truth I really regret giving or rather lending my vcd to auntie beeyong. It was my only place where I can find solitude. It was my happy place; it was where I will go to get away from all my problem and of course reality. Cause if u knows it reality really hurts. I have been running away from my problems. But then I don’t have the courage to face up to reality and to my biggest problem. Which is me. After all call me a coward but I been running away from my problems all of my life. Seriously I just don’t have the courage and strength to face reality. Maybe that why my teacher said that I am a dreamer. That I live in a dream world and not in reality..........

But then sometimes I feel that my life is a big bluff that I am hiding behind a mask. To take away that mask you will find a lot of other mask but when you finally take the last one off you find the real me. Maybe one day I will find the real me and face the world as who I am not someone hiding behind a mask but until that day comes. I will always be behind a mask. I wish no I hope no no I pray that day comes quickly cause I want my sanity back face and not lose it as the day goes by. Maybe that a reason that people think I am weird but then people who know me know I am. Well if they read this blog they will know that I am not weird but just a person crying out for help.

2003-09-05T18:45:00.000+08:00

Communist - You believe that private property
should be abolished, and all power should be
vested in a large, all pervasive state. Your
historical role model is Joseph Stalin.

Which political sterotype are you?
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2003-09-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

Sianz......... Boring man sitting at home nothing better to do. No friends to go out with........... Bored out of my mind so i decided to do quizs...... yeah did a lot of them.... yeah realised that sch is boring..... got nothing better to there hiaz.... wish i could go out but then go out also go no one to go out with.... so better stay at home.... sianz wish got someone to go out with hiaz.............

2003-09-05T14:05:00.000+08:00

You represent... loneliness.
Always alone and always sad about it... unlike
angst, you don't have to look for a reason to
be miserable. You want to be in the company of
people but aren't sure how to act when you're
with them. Sometimes you have to make an
effort. You can't always wait for others to
come to you.

What feeling do you represent?
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2003-09-05T13:41:00.000+08:00

Sadist

The ULTIMATE personality test
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2003-09-05T13:32:00.000+08:00

Fight Club!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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2003-09-05T13:16:00.000+08:00

You are Wolverine!

A loner by nature, you feel uncomfortable when
around those you don't know and even those you
do. You are awkward when it comes to
relationships, but fiercely loyal to those you
love.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
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2003-09-03T09:09:00.000+08:00

Man !!!!!!!!!! Argh............ I just realised something that I am a failure. Man I really envy my brother . When he goes online there always somebody there to chat with him. He even get pple to call him willingly. When he goes out he even got friends to go out with. What did I do wrong in my past life to deserve such a fate ? Yeah sure when i go online there no one to tok to me. When I go out there no one to go out with. Man am i sick of that what the hell did i do wrong ?
Even my god sisters tell him stuff that they don't tell me. What does it look like ? I can't keep a secret ? Everybody in church treat him better than me. Man
was he wrong when he said he was the Invisible Man. I tell you i am the Invisible Man weather I am there or not does not even make the slightest difference.....

So what if i have a bad reputation ? Is that a sign to keep away from me ???? Why can't you pple like beneath the surface ? Why must we Judge somebody by their rep instead of what inside ? Isn't what inside that counts ? Do I have any friends I can tell you the answer is no cause come on who would want me as a friend since for a fact that eveyone judged me based on my history...... Cheez...... What a failure i am man...... Well what is there to say ? Nothing man well I just guess that it is another day for another cruel joke in my screwed up life............

2003-09-03T08:12:00.000+08:00

Sch started liaoz......Class was kinda boring and i miss a class yesterday because i read the stupid timetable wrongly..... Hiaz but looking on the bright side at least sch open.

2003-08-30T13:54:00.000+08:00

Sitting here on a saturday afternoon. Recalling what happen during this past week. I realise a lot of things.......

As i recall this quote by Albert Camus

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.
Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)

I realised how true this quote is. Yesterday I was in orchard road slacking as ususal. I decided to go to the bowling alley for the fun of it. There i met brenda and elizabeth bowling.
with a group of friends. That got me thinking that i was standing down there with not a single friend with me. I was all alone. Even my little brother when he goes out he have friends to go out with me ? Not a single soul to accompany me. Well i guess i had it comming ...... Since i got such a bad reputation in church it a no wonder i am all alone most of the time.... Standing there in the alley reminded me of the happier times in my life. Where i had friends to go out with , Hang out with. Hiaz... but now i dun even have a single friend to go out with me man...... While i was there i was thinking man what would i give to have a friend standing next to me. Hiaz.... if i could turn but the hand of time i would have been such an arsehole...... be more myself...... Instead of hiding behind a mask and not let anione who care get near me. But then what done is done no use crying over spilled milk... I guess it going to be a very long and lonely road but i pray to god that he won't make it so that he will answer my prayers....... Hiaz...... that abt all i have to say.
I guess that is just another day in my screwed up life........

2003-08-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years.
If something is wrong, fix it if you can.
But train yourself not to worry.
Worry never fixes anything.

--Mary Hemingway--

Haha how true this quote is. I tok a friend of mine today. A girl of course after all most of the time girl do the most worrying. She was wondering why i am happy most of the time and pple like her are so miserable ? Cheezz...... I dun really noe the answer to that question except not to worry haha. As today was such a slack day i decided to watch finish my show.... In case you pple are wondering what show it is ? It's called "Heavenly Sword And Dragon Sabre " the the literially translation form english to chinese. Such a sad or nice depending on how you look at it. But it taught me a lot of things....

Aniwae after that i went down to my sch 2 register 4 some course and the person doing the registration told me i have 2 pay a late payment of 52 bucks..... Up front in cash....
what does it look like ? Do i have "I am a frriggin ATM written all over my face ?" I decided to be nice and told him that i be back another day. Yeah Rite like i am going to pay 52 bucks. After that i decided to take my mum car home...... Durin the trip home the usual or unusual happen. My sister Sherilyn yeah that little devil was supposed to go for tution but as usual she late and we had to make a detour just because of her...... Hiaz .... Cheez... After living with a sister like that it a no wonder i dun intend to get married let alone have children.... haha but that end another day in my screwed up life

2003-08-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

Exams are over. I got one glourious week of holiday. Today was a very tiring day. I spend most of my days watching vcd. Haha how sad can that be ? Wat to do everybody studying 4 exams now of days so no one to go out with me. Hiaz.... I wish i had a girl friend but then..... haha which gal would want a boy friend like me ???? I wonder haha must be my wishful thinking..... Aniwae I almost finish my show today. Onli left abt 5 disk left before the show complete...... Hiaz but then this show although is a martial art show but it a very sad show. Just like life full of misunderstanding and complicated love triangles... Haha aniwae that abt all i have 2 sae except that i hope weioying get her phone back...........

2003-08-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

At last some good news!!!! My blasted exams are over man. Woo Hooo Bring out the vodka let's celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried my best and did my best 4 my both papers so well....... i leave the rest up 2 good man!!! Ah last i can finally have some peace. Some how or rather today was not so bad after all. My day wasn't as screwed up as i thought i would be so on the whole it is okay!!! Well i guess life has it up and down even a screwed up one like mine. Haha I noe i been disturbing pple 2 much calling them on the phone and all but wat the heck ...... I am a welcome distraction from the Monotonous cycle we call life so welll i continue doin it haha. On a whole today was not such a bad day after all.......... Well cheers ! to a not so screwed up day in my screwed up life.

2003-08-23T00:22:00.000+08:00

Man my life is getting form bad to worse man !!!!!!!!!!!! I got a big exam cumming today yep pass 12 so yeah today. I tried to study 2 day but ended up wasting the day. I went to church 2 try more studying but guess wat didn't work out man. I fooled around in church till around 10 den hitch a ride from a fren to orchard Mrt. I feel guilty about it so i called my godmum(Aunt Carol) and well she sort of helped me out. On the way home i thought about a lot of stuff.

i decided to retake my dip in com science (Yay!!!) but then i got to retake like abt 9 modules in all but I WILL SURVIVE !!!!!!!!!!! I also decided to surrender all my vcd to auntie beeyong. Man is that going to hurt!!!!! But then as the old saying goes No pain No Gain !!!!!!!! Well that about sums Up another day in my screwed up life.

2003-08-21T09:40:00.000+08:00

Man my life really screwed up. Not that i intended it to be that way but it just is. I even miss an important exam !!! Yeah not a big deal i could always retake it...... But i feel so pissed at myself and not to mention that i got more trouble then i already am i got another 2 bloody papers 2 sit for this sat ...... did I mention for a fact that i skip these 2 classes like most of the time.......Man how am i even going to pass ???? Then to screw my life up worse i realised that i blew like half my pocket money on vcd !!!! Man i been watching 2 much of those...... Imaging spending 500 bucks on vcd...... that bloody insane if u ask me but then again i already turing insane so..... ah well wat done cannot be undone.....

And as if that is not enough....... I have 2 deal with my little sister "Sherilyn" man I noe everybody say she nice ....... I tell you people she is nice/cute (wonder how that happened) outside of home but she is a little devil at home..... sometimes i really feel like squeezing the bloody day light out of her ...... Man was she bloody ungrateful not only did her hamster escape i help her catch it and did i get one word of thanks no...... bloody ungrateful gal..... All i wanted was her radio which she don't use that much and she decided to be selfish and refuse 2 give it 2 me...... Ah one fine day i am going 2 make her life a living hell..............